forgiving is not hard

Ephesians 4:30-32

The Old Way Has to Go

I have been thinking of how best to progress from here onward, after all the recent events, some of which have not yet passed on…Time lingers when we least want it to. Whilst doing my correspondence Bible courses I am now in the Book of Ephesians and unlike what I thought earlier, I am not really that “well-versed” in my understanding of this Book. I like the whole Ephesians. My NKJV is marked with colors where I have walked with my fingers. Yesterday I found my Message Bible and read the Ephesians. I also found another version of the Chinese Bible which I had not read for ages. Then I looked up the online Bible Commentary by Andrew Wommack. The whole experience is wonderful! I am humbled. Here I am today, sharing a passage from Ephesians 4 with you, my sisters.  

17-19 And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They’ve refused for so long to deal with God that they’ve lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can’t think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.

20-24 But that’s no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It’s rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.

25 What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ’s body we’re all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.

26-27 Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don’t use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don’t stay angry. Don’t go to bed angry. Don’t give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.

28 Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can’t work.

29 Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.

30 Don’t grieve God. Don’t break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don’t take such a gift for granted.

31-32 Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

The woman movement and God, a testimony: my self-esteem which the world cannot touch

romans-122Some women are very angry. They decide to take matters into their own hands and walk down the street to make their voices heard. I know how it hurts or infuriates oneself when one feels that others are not listening, or worse, perhaps mocking or scoffing in their hearts. It hurts to be considered and treated as a second best or third best or not even a human who matters (in some societies). Gender, age, color, race, looks, nationality. All these matter to the physical world. Discrimination means her physical rights and entitlement are taken away from her because of her age, gender, looks, race, color or nationality (even if she has the right color, race, or looks). Indeed, in the fallen world, all men are not born equal. This is not a new issue. Some women may not know this, gender men are not born equal too. Have things improved since the beginning of mankind?  Which is preferred: honesty or hypocrisy? You want an honest opinion and attitude from the heart or you just make do with the superficial legal mandatory physical (material) recognition from fellow citizens in the society? For practical living, mental, emotional and spiritual wellbeing, both are essential.

Do women need to fight for their rights? Can our words and actions change others’ ways of thinking and the generic hearts of mankind? This is the current topic of debate since woman suffrage movement which actually began in 1848, when the first women’s rights convention was held in Seneca Falls, New York, USA. The outstanding (unfinished) issue (in USA) is 169 years old. In this blog dedicated to women I have previously put together many Biblical examples of women in the Bible and how God (the Holy Spirit) viewed them and spoke positively of them and their lives. There are many evidences to show that God has never discriminated against women. The discriminations that some women have encountered past and present in some societies or people groups individually and/or as a group are not from God. Just as the many disasters and bad happenings in this fallen world are not from God but from irresponsible and selfish mankind, bad things that have happened or are still happening to women are from selfish man (mankind) and not God.

We know from history that human laws can be enacted in civil societies. But people’s hearts and attitudes  do not simply change. Mind-set only changes through life transforming encounters in one’s own life. Physical changes are possible but not the heart matters. I learned superficially since young the differences between man and woman, for example, what to do or not to do, where to go or not to go, mainly based on physical abilities and social acceptability and responsibility. I also noted that in cases when the man of the family was unable to carry out his assigned responsibility as the head/bread-earner of the family, the woman stepped in effectively and assumed the responsibility without much debate. It was natural and automatic. She would go out and get a job and supported her children (and husband) when needed. Many women changed their dominant role as housewife to that of a business entrepreneur or corporate executive. Some excelled and became highly respected authoritative professionals in specialized fields traditionally dominated by men, just as some men excelled in fields traditionally dominated by women. Changes through interchanges of physical tasks are not difficult.

The increasing progresses in opening of the education and employment venues to women have contributed to further economic and social advances and material wellbeing of women. On the other hand, there are many records of materially successful self-made women, without the aforementioned institutionalized advantages or privileges. How can this be? This is not new. The Bible recorded many successful godly women in different influential fields: political, military, economic, social and even religious (by being prophets)!

On the other hand, we all know that mankind’s nature has not changed since the existence of history. We can only carry what we are able to carry in true integrity, at the level which each of us is assigned according to the ability each has. Some human has more endowments in certain areas and resources. Some have less. Some resources are gender-related but not all are.

Coming back to how to make people change their mind (attitude and intrinsic value system) about looking down on women or a human because of his or color or race or nationality, I have no answer. I would say that though gender (and many other discriminative) issues seemed important to me once, I do not now consider it a matter that warrants dispute. For example, if you think that being a white woman and treated as a second class citizen in your white country is unfair, try being born as a person without a definite clear gender or being born of a color and race of a country which the world’s popular mass media (which have and still are shaping world view of the world’s population) have traditionally looked down upon. Try being one of those stereotyped caricatured oriental characters in your movies. Indeed, the white culture has been popularized and upheld by many in the global entertainment and game industries which no longer have any boundaries.

My answer to the unfairness of this world is to have an esteem which the world cannot touch. I know my God is real. I have encountered Him. I submit to His words. I also know from my experience that man’s words cannot really change people. The real transformation can only take place just as the very learned and intelligent man, the Apostle Paul, said, “by the renewal of our mind.” The transformation of our mind is the key to knowing God. God has said that we can be joined to Him and one spirit with Him! (1 Corinthians 6:17) In our spirit we can access the real answers to our many questions the world cannot answer. I cannot explain to you how my own mind had been changed. I can only witness to you that you will agree and say Amen when yours too are changed by the renewal of God’s words (with His Spirit). I also urge you to seek to know God now so you know His purpose for you on earth. Life is set in time. Believe me, time does not wait for a person no matter how busy or important you may consider the other matters you are pursuing are.

James 1:20, says that the wrath of man does not accomplish the righteousness of God. Regardless of how appropriate our anger may seem, and regardless of how we think our wrath could make a person or situation change, we will never achieve God’s best that way.

Paul actually said this two thousand years ago, Romans 12:1-2 Amplified Bible (AMP)

12 [a]Therefore I urge you, [b]brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies [dedicating all of yourselves, set apart] as a living sacrifice, holy and well-pleasing to God, which is your rational (logical, intelligent) act of worship. 2 And do not be conformed to this world [any longer with its superficial values and customs], but be [c]transformed and progressively changed [as you mature spiritually] by the renewing of your mind [focusing on godly values and ethical attitudes], so that you may prove [for yourselves] what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect [in His plan and purpose for you].

Footnotes:
Romans 12:1 Paul now begins outlining for the believer the practical application of the theological truths taught in chs 1-11.
Romans 12:1 Lit brethren.
Romans 12:2 From the Greek word meaning “metamorphosis.” Refers to the process that leads to an outward, permanent change.

Sociopath: She will lie about almost everything

a portrait

It’s common to wonder what causes someone to be a sociopath as we watch in disbelief as the sociopath lies, manipulates, harms, and feels no empathy for anyone. Trying to teach empathy and emotion to a sociopath is like trying to teach a cellphone to cook a pizza. If it sounds ridiculous to teach a phone to cook a pizza, it’s because it is. A phone isn’t wired to cook, and it’s not bothered by this fact. Likewise, a sociopath’s brain isn’t wired to feel empathy or other emotions, and like the phone, the sociopath isn’t bothered about it.

Quoted from an answer in Quora about dating a sociopath: She will lie about almost everything, and if you ever call her out on it, she will deny it vehemently…to the point where you start to question yourself and your own memory.
She will create a LOT of drama. She will lie, cheat, steal, and harm people with no remorse. She will expect you to clean up her messes, and support her in her bad behavior. She’ll ask you money for rent/groceries/bills/whatever, and then spend it on new shoes or clothes.

Nothing is ever her fault. She blames others (and especially you) for all of her problems. It’s the worst relationship you could ever imagine.

It’s a nightmare, so exhausting that her cheating on you (even when you find out) is, like, the least of your worries. You won’t remember ever caring as much about the infidelity part as much as cleaning up her messes.
(Above quoted from: https://www.quora.com/How-does-it-feel-to-date-a-female-sociopath-What-are-the-signs-and-their-specific-traits)

Introduction about a sociopath condition (Quoted/partially excerpted from: http://www.softpanorama.org/Social/Toxic_managers/female_sociopaths.shtml

Female sociopaths are in their own class-they are much more manipulative than male psychopaths. We will distinguish the term “sociopath” and “psychopath” based on physical violence: psychopath is sociopath who routinely or even predominantly uses physical violence. Often they are criminals.

Female sociopaths rarely use physical violence and can much better mask their real intentions than man psychopaths-they are more patient (although the term patience and sociopath are mutually contradictory — they are after instant gratification) and can hunt for a prey somewhat longer. And probably are more dangerous when you have them close by. As a rule female sociopaths are much more vicious and vindictive than man sociopaths.

Typically, they are somewhat sadistic, especially toward women– which means that they experience pleasure from suffering of their victims. Like all sociopaths they are natural born, talented actors and have the astonishing ability to tell bare-faced lies and remain calm, utterly shameless if caught. This is the case with psychopaths in general, but with female sociopaths you really see the master class of this art. Ruthless and conniving. Can extort favors using fake pregnancies, injuries to themselves, threats to kill themselves, etc. They are really like a person, who killed her/his parents, and then asks for lesser sentence because she is now an orphan. While they are adept in masking their real mean and cruel personality some signs and discrepancies in their acting are often visible. The problem is that due to their charm the victim typically fails to pay any attention to them.

A lot of tragedies could be avoided if people who are facing something strange or inconsistent in behavior simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?” “Can it be explained as an attempt of manipulation, or bold faced lie?”

Add to that compulsive desire of winning at all cost (they are about power; such a natural born power addicts) and see other people just of tools for achieving her goals.

They roll over their victims like steamroller and feel nothing. The last sentence is impossible to understand by just reading this page, You need to see couple of movies depicting such a character and first of all Dangerous Liaisons In this film Glenn Close (she also presents similar, but more close to the borderline personality character in Fatal Attraction ) created an unforgettable character of a female sociopath. It is all about domination and power. There is no emotional attachment to anybody. Everybody is just a tool. They have no boundaries and are ready to go to the bitter end to achieve their goal.

They typically have high IQ which makes them even more dangerous if they are a member of your family or girlfriend. And they are really lethal weapon as managers. Demanding, ruthless, two-faced, manipulative, relentless and very methodical bullies. And typically they are more sophisticated. Even the murder cases involving female sociopaths are typically more complex, more devious and less direct, for example the “black widow” marries a wealthy old man and puts poison in his drink. Money are often a strong motivating factor.

To detect a female sociopath for the outsider is a very challenging task as they are masters of mimicry — natural born great artists. They usually produce a very good, positive first impression. They excel in interviews. They do not allow themselves to show their anger for people on the same level, or above them. Anger is reserved to subordinates and members of the immediate family. Despite inability to feels love, they can imitate it and they are often seductive. Love for them, like for an escort, it’s not about reality, but about creating the illusion of reality. Like in everything, here the devil is details, but people in romantic mode and under influence of psychopathic charm are rarely able to see them, until too late. The same is actually true for upper management in the corporate environment: often they do not suspect whom they are dealing with…

But for subordinates the situation is different, they are tools that do not deserve to be treated as human beings. Make no mistakes here. You will immediately:
Feel that you have been treated unfairly
Feel that you have no control over things you previously controlled.
Feel that you are under a lot of pressure. Typically with bursts of anger directly hitting at you.

(You may visit this website to read the complete article: http://www.softpanorama.org/Social/Toxic_managers/female_sociopaths.shtml)

An excerpt on what happens in the mind of the sociopath:
“Ultimately, the sociopath typically emotionally destroys those who are close to him or her, but the sociopath destroys them in a way consistent with their unique approach to others: They take them out like your average person kills off characters in a video game. Those in the wake of the sociopath suffer because they have the liability sociopaths don’t: actual human feelings that stem from a deep sense of social obligations to others, a moral anchor that is supposed to be part and parcel of having relationships.
“The sense of entitlement that comes with sociopathy is astonishing to those who abide by the social laws and conventions of our culture. Where does the entitlement come from? It stems from an underlying sense of rage. Sociopaths feel deeply angry and resentful underneath their often-charming exterior, and this rage fuels their sense that they have the right to act out in whichever way they happen to choose at the time. Everything is up for grabs with sociopaths and nothing is off limits.” “Are they born this way?” is one of the most frequently asked questions. The truth is that we don’t know. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201304/understanding-the-sociopath-cause-motivation-relationship)

Quote from Mayo Clinical staff: (http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/dxc-20198978?p=1)
Symptoms
Antisocial personality disorder signs and symptoms may include:
• Disregard for right and wrong
• Persistent lying or deceit to exploit others
• Being callous, cynical and disrespectful of others
• Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or personal pleasure
• Arrogance, a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated
• Recurring problems with the law, including criminal behavior
• Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation and dishonesty
• Impulsiveness or failure to plan ahead
• Hostility, significant irritability, agitation, aggression or violence
• Lack of empathy for others and lack of remorse about harming others
• Unnecessary risk-taking or dangerous behavior with no regard for the safety of self or others
• Poor or abusive relationships
• Failure to consider the negative consequences of behavior or learn from them
• Being consistently irresponsible and repeatedly failing to fulfill work or financial obligations
Adults with antisocial personality disorder typically show symptoms of conduct disorder before the age of 15. Signs and symptoms of conduct disorder include serious, persistent behavior problems, such as:
• Aggression toward people and animals
• Destruction of property
• Deceitfulness
• Theft
• Serious violation of rules

WHAT TO DO WITH A SOCIOPATH?
Confronting the problem head-on. Coming to understand the nature and scope of sociopathy, acknowledging that it’s complex group of traits and behaviors that function together, and dealing with the whole rather than with little parts of it is a helpful start. Changing one aspect of a sociopath, such as trying to help her stop lying, does nothing to change the nature of a sociopath.
Adopting a systemic approach. Sociopath treatment has a better chance of working if it’s done in every system in which the sociopath functions (relationships, work, activities, etc.). Evidence shows that working with sociopaths in the field is somewhat effective in changing attitudes and behaviors. Unfortunately, evidence also shows that after initial improvement, the sociopath regresses back to his old self.
While these treatments may not be effective for adult sociopaths, they may prove helpful to the child sociopath – the child who exhibits sociopathic behaviors.

When Treatment For Sociopaths Fails
The unfortunate reality is that at this point, there is no evidence to show that a sociopath can change. Currently, there is nothing that has been proven effective as a treatment for a sociopath. Researchers and practitioners aren’t giving up, though. Can sociopaths be cured? Experts hope they can.
In the meantime, professionals advise that the best way to deal with a sociopath is to cut off all contact. Doing so may be the best treatment possible, at least for the non-sociopath. (Read more: http://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/sociopath/sociopath-treatment-can-a-sociopath-change/)

The Benefits of Wisdom from Proverbs 2

12 Wisdom will save you from evil people,
    from those whose words are twisted.
13 These men turn from the right way
    to walk down dark paths.
14 They take pleasure in doing wrong,
    and they enjoy the twisted ways of evil.
15 Their actions are crooked,
    and their ways are wrong.

16 Wisdom will save you from the immoral woman,
    from the seductive words of the promiscuous woman.
17 She has abandoned her husband
    and ignores the covenant she made before God.
18 Entering her house leads to death;
    it is the road to the grave.
19 The man who visits her is doomed.
    He will never reach the paths of life.

20 So follow the steps of the good,
    and stay on the paths of the righteous.
21 For only the godly will live in the land,
    and those with integrity will remain in it.
22 But the wicked will be removed from the land,
    and the treacherous will be uprooted.